February comes and now it goes

February is coming to a close and before we know it March will be here with signs of spring and new life. The squirrels are already very frisky;) One week ago I had to make one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. I had to give up the job, coworkers and kids that I love so much. I was at the end of my FMLA and the doctors aren't wanting me to go back so I had to do what was best for my health. I cried for 2 days and have been slowly coming to the realization that things are never going to be the same for me. I recently found a quote that I am trying to live by.

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned,
so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
~Joseph Campbell~

Things with my new doctors in Iowa City are going very well. The internal medicine doctor is by far one of the best doctors that I have ever met. She spends time with you, listens, makes suggestions and genuinely cares for you as more than just another patient. I have had 2 sets of labs drawn now by the immunologist. We now know that I have an IGg deficiency as well as natural killer cells that aren't maturing like they are suppose to. I have 1 more set of labs the end of March and then the doctor will decide what to do with me. Right now it sounds like I will be going on an every other week rotation of antibiotics to keep infections away. So, 26 weeks of the year I will be on antibiotics. We are also keeping close tabs on any infections or viruses that I get now and making sure to culture everything so we know what organism is causing the infections. Fortunately with being home since October I have been relatively infection free. Not being around other people really doesn't give me much of a chance to pick anything up. I am also back in the warm water therapy pool 2x a week at the hospital. They keep the water at a consistent 91 degrees and it feels fabulous on my muscles. Most of the time I spend in the deeper end suspended to take pressure off. While I do love going, I am thoroughly exhausted when I leave. In the end I think it's worth it.

Year in Review

We had a good 2010 at our house. There were not a lot of changes this year but that's usually the way mama likes it;) After a winter of never-ending snow we ventured to South Dakota and the Black Hills in June with John's parents. We had a fantastic time and hopefully the kids learned a lot about history. The most fun we had the whole summer were the times when we went to the lake and just let life "happen and be." The kids love playing in the water, catching minnows, and laying in the sand. We also got a season pass to the pool and spent almost every afternoon soaking up the sun. I don't think I've been that tan since elementary school.



The end of July I found myself having an emergency gall bladder removal. After 3 days in the hospital I felt much better. With all my medical issues it did take a good 6 weeks for me to fully recover though.

The kids are in 1st, 3rd and 7th grade now. I really don't know where the time has gone. I wish for just one day I could turn them all into babies again and just hold them and smell their sweet baby smells.

The beginning of October started a vicious cycle for me with my illness. I have been on family medical leave from my job ever since. I spend 18-20 hours of my day sleeping and I have lost a lot of strength and motility in my leg muscles. I use a cane outside of the house. Fortunately I was referred to a fantastic doctor in Iowa City who seems to be really on top of things. She has already done some blood work that hasn't been done on me in the entire 12 years of my illness and we have found some very interesting things. We originally thought I had lupus as some of the lupus markers came back positive. She's pretty convinced now that's not the case and I am set to see an immunologist on January 18th and a neurologist the beginning of February. We know I have a natural killer cell deficiency but to what extent we're not sure. This is especially scarey to me as NK cells are the cells that fight cancer and viruses. A lot of immune disfunctions can be treated with immunoglobulin or bone marrow transplants. Hopefully the next year will finally bring answers for me as well as treatment.

We are recovering well from Christmas and today is the last day of winter break for the kids. Tomorrow they return to school. They keep telling me not to remind them.